Ross

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I always have.

But it was only a silly fantasy I read about in books and saw on the TV, and I hoped one day it would happen to me and I'd get my happily ever after.

I remember the moment I first saw you, the moment the butterflies started going wild in my stomach. It's weird because we hadn't spoken at this point, I only knew your name and what you looked like. But as soon as my friend pointed at you in the school field, a buzz of electricity shot through my body, causing my heart to momentarily stop.

Everything around me seemed to slow down and distort. The only thing in focus, was you.

You were sat down on the grass with your then girlfriend, in that black leather jacket you would never take off (even in the summer), and your Mika/Wannabe Slash curls. The sun was shining, giving you an almost angelic glow. My friend would say to me in hushed tones that she fancied you and wanted to get with you. I had barely been at this school a month by this point I think, but I had found a little friendship group, and I was happy... (even if I perhaps disagreed with the idea...)

...Because this event had put me right in your universe.

Eventually, she got her wish and for a couple of years you were on and off. You and I were great friends and on drunken nights out we would hang out and have fun, or sometimes fight and get frustrated about this shitty relationship you were in. I knew a lot that I couldn't tell you and I wanted you to get out of this mess. But I was also loyal to my friend so I let you figure it out on your own.

Once you eventually broke up, you drifted from me for a while. You left school to work, sometimes popping back in and we'd say hi and chat a while. We both moved on with love and life and I almost forgot about you. Almost.

A year later we hung out again, in some field in Stow around about your 18th birthday, with my then boyfriend. I was a little less emo, wore a little more colour, you looked at me a little differently. The same butterflies came back with some ferocity.

When my relationship ended I was crushed, I thought it was forever, but it seems I was too much. You and I hung out a little more and at my pity party I went on about why anyone would want to go out with me, I'm a loser. You said the most wonderful words to me, "Well, I'd go out with you." (I think someone might have confirmed to you that I do indeed like you so please get on with it)

Immediately after that I awkwardly ran home and left you to walk the rest of the way back to your house down the hill. But I was smiling so widely my face ached and I felt violently sick with something I think might have actually been joy. You were such a good friend to me, you always have been a great friend. Is this not weird, should I just ignore it and move on, could I really go ahead with this, am I your type (I believed very much NO from what I knew of you)?

You invited me to fun work events, we got a little closer. You certainly pushed with your goofy, flirtatious charm, but I was still too nervous to accept. Eventually, you invited me to a silly 'Oscar' night with Tesco as your 'date'. We still have that picture of us that night. Me in my red dress, you in a blue shirt. The night my life changed, when we finally chose each other.

While I have had many downs these last 14 years as your partner, you have never been one of them. Always my upper. Always by my side even as I dangled you off the edge of a cliff. You held on tight, and while you were dangling there, you still didn't allow me to fall. You have been and always will be my best friend.

And yes, the skeptical ones (including you!) will say that this is a fabricated memory, based on my love for you now. And maybe that is true, maybe I do recall this moment in more beautiful detail, with more elaborate feelings than what were there at the time. But this is the only way I remember it now. Beautiful and magical and perfect.

It's been 18 years since I met you. 18 years since I felt what I believe was love at first sight.