Soul

A lot of people say how they feel the things I feel. They understand. That I can work through it and they proceed to tell me what they do.

Problem is they do not know how I feel.

They might know the emotion. They might know the short term pain that comes with it. But they get through it and they move on.

They don't understand that my feelings are more. More frequent. More intense. Longer lasting. They dont understand that while they feel the things I feel they do not feel them as hard as I do.

I figure it's like death. Death of a parent, a spouse, a sibling is harder than death of a second cousin who lives in Alaska and hasn't seen you since you were 10. For example, someone hears that your mother just died and they tell you how they understand and that they lost a cousin a week back and it sucked and that they powered through by working and eating a healthy diet. You, however, just lost a piece of who you are, a part of your soul has been taken out of your body and it's hard to breathe, shower, eat well, go to work, get up out of bed.

Both death.

Both very different levels of intensity.

I feel like I am losing a piece of my soul near daily from stress and anxiety and overwhelm and exhaustion and everyone wants to offer advice but nothing works. I cannot do it. I cannot pull myself out of this pit and DO anything. I am drifting away from myself and I'm struggling to hold on the rope keeping me ashore. The rope is beginning to burn my hands and slowly each finger is pulling off one by one. Soon I'll be lost at sea. Alone and in the dark.

It's a constant battle with myself, my loved ones. But I'm fighting.

Every day.

I'm fighting.

My soul may return one day and I can't wait to see some light behind my eyes again. I can't wait for this pain to stop.