Delicious

Recently (the last few days in particular) I have been unconsciously cooking more. I am coming home and getting some ingredients out and I am cooking.

Typically, I am a frozen food in the oven, or pasta with a jar of store bought sauce kind of girl. But I have been making sauces, frying onions and garlic, and chopping! I am not using recipes I am just taking inspiration from foods I have eaten or foods I have seen on social media and winging it.

When it turns out delicious then I feel great, I made something that was actually pretty good.

Tonight, I made creamy mustard chicken. We only had American mustard that you'd typically use on a hot dog, and while it didn't have the flavour I originally intended, the slight extra sweetness of the American mustard actually worked really well! A pleasant surprise!

I am so proud I have actually properly cooked these last few days, which I appreciate sounds like quite a basic task for most, but I really do struggle to inspire myself to do it, or we don't have many ingredients, and I give up and get something out of the freezer, easy peasy.

What I like most is that I am not forcing myself, I am not consciously making the decision to cook, I am just heading into the kitchen and doing it. I am getting it done, without procrastinating and giving up in the end. Which is something I have always struggled, and still do struggle, with. I am completely reliant on being GOOD at something and if I am not good at it, I won't bother, even when it comes to feeding myself and my family. I will take the easy option every time.

But I find I am actually enjoying it, I am enjoying having something nice for dinner, rather than frozen, tasteless, empty calories. I always get takeaway or go out and get food because I just don't think I can make anything nice at home, even if i had the ingredients. But if I keep practising, I am sure I can in fact make really delicious food at home, and I wont feel the need to leave the house to get good food.

I am still processing the idea that I do not need to be GOOD at things to do them. I can enjoy it and be mediocre, or even bad, at it! If the process is enjoyable, and the end result decent (in this case, edible!) then great! But even if the end result isn't ideal, and ends up being no good, I just know I need a bit more practice and I shouldn't just give up on that activity forever. I just need to try again next time and hope for a better result, which in time I will achieve.

This is still something I am learning, and will likely take me a little while yet. Writing these silly little blog posts is something I am really trying to stick to, they are for me most of all, and I really enjoy writing them and reactions or shares or any kind of engagement isn't necessarily my goal, but I always feel good if something I say or write is relatable to someone, who maybe needs to hear that they are not the only one, and it is possible to change things you don't like, or accept them and enjoy what you have!