Me, Myself & I

While my first book is not an epic 800 page novel, I still spent a couple of months writing it and crafting into the baby I released into the world and during this process I learned some things:

• I am actually capable of completing a longer term project (one that takes more than a day) and producing something I can truthfully say I am proud of. I have always struggled with anything long term if I thought it wasn't going to be good enough or it wouldn't make me money or help me in a career, so I didn't bother trying in the first place. After this process I learned that I can do it just because I can and I wanted to. And now I have (yay).

• My mind has always been full of stories and my imagination is always running wild. I have always wanted to translate my inner worlds into books and this book is a very small, but pleasing place to start. I know it's not a grand fantasy land with made up creatures and languages and universes, but it's a story of my own design and one drawn from personal things I had going on (no it is not based on a true story, just inspired by feelings we all will feel at some point from time to time)

• Taking time out for myself has become increasingly difficult since having a child. You have to balance yourself with husband and child and pets and extended family and often times I will put everyone else first. I feel guilty that I don't give them enough time, guilty that I don't have the capacity to love and cherish them as they deserve and as I know I actually do. It turns into resentment and frustration that they are stealing my time when in fact I am simply not taking time I am feely given. I can take all the time I need to do what makes me happy. My little family will get more love and more support than ever before if I first support and love myself.

• Doing something that has no benefit to your career or that won't even make you much or any money is totally fine. This may seem quite obvious to most people, but for the longest time I have felt that I cannot simply waste time on anything that doesn't benefit me financially. That doesn't progress me in a career. I used to love to draw, and write and do silly coding things on the computer - just because it was fun. But as I grew up I lost that love of fun and chose to only bother with something that is a benefit to me. I know understand that having fun benefits not only me but everyone around me. Because I wont resent them for having fun, when I feel I cannot.

I am still learning to embrace all of these things as truths. I am still learning who I am and what I am able to achieve if I actually wanted to and truly enjoy the process. I am working on my next book and I am trying my best to just enjoy the ride and not rush it. I am letting the characters take me on a journey as they allow me to tell their story as they need it to be told. I am taking time out of the house to get on with my writing, free of distractions and the responsibilities of home. This time is for me, and only me. Me, myself & I (and the characters I take along with me).